February 9, 2022
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Hope you are all well!
Since we last convened in this space, Mel continued to agonize over the decision to get the portacath surgery. Even on the way in to the hospital to do it, she was not at all confident about whether she really needed it. She had been looking for some kind of sign, and found it when her arm swelled up dramatically after they inserted her IV for the surgery - they had to take it out and find another vein, and with that, Mel realized that she was doing the right thing. The way they do things now is amazing - her wound was sealed with surgical glue, and they said she could take a shower the next day (which she did). Now she has this prominent lump under her collar-bone, but we're very glad it's there. She healed fairly quickly, and didn't have an inordinate amount of discomfort from the surgery.
She just told me that, between the gigantic uneven scar on her abdomen,
the bulging scar that is her port, and her bald head, when she looks in
the mirror she sees some kind of alien creature. I just see my wounded,
but beautiful love.
We are now into round 3 of chemo, which was administered last Tuesday,
and this one was rough.
From my point of view, Mel had done spectacularly well in at least one
area of expected symptoms, and without going into too much detail, I
will tell you that for only the 2nd time since this began, on the
morning of the 3rd chemo treatment, Mel's prep medications (and her
breakfast) were not able to remain inside her body.
Luckily, those meds were able to be administered intravenously, so other than having an unpleasant (and rather dramatic) experience, it worked out ok. Mel did great with her port, and the chemo experience itself was the least difficult so far because of it - she was able to use her hands, and was comfortable. Only problem was, it started later in the day than the usual treatment, and lasted longer because of the extra drips for the "missing" meds. We didn't get out of there until after 6pm. It was rather exhausting. It's a long time to wear a mask (at least for us, who never go anywhere). The effects hit harder and lasted longer this round, which is normal, and was expected, due to the cumulative effect of the "healing elixir", as Mel calls the chemo meds. Mel had pain throughout her body, fought nausea and exhaustion for over a week, and if not for our old pal THC, I don't know how she would've made it through this. The good news is, NO CONSTIPATION, thanks to our other pal, Miralax, and her pre-chemo blood work continues to improve little by little.
We came home from chemo to a celebratory "half-way-done" banner painted
by the grandkids and Anna, which brightened her spirits (see it,
below!). Anna snuck in to hang it while we were in the infusion center.
She woke up early this morning and laid in bed for a long time, savoring the fact that she finally felt halfway normal - no pain, no nausea. It didn't last throughout the day, but it was a great way to start the day. She's on the upswing now, which is good - things can get dark in her mind when she's struggling, and my motivational speaking, as brilliant as it is, is not of a high enough spiritual caliber to ward away the darkness. All the more reason why, hearing her laugh today was a blessing (without the level of pain and nausea, it's easier for her to enjoy the THC!). She even got the munchies, requesting some of the roasted-in-shell peanuts I was eating, after telling me for years that our beloved Dr Charny says "DO NOT EAT PEANUTS". (They are delicious! She only ate a very few - WTF, are we supposed to worry about a handful of peanuts giving her cancer? We think not!) For those of you who do not know this, according to Kaiser's records, Melody had 9 different diagnoses (unfortunately, not kidding!) before cancer (I will not enumerate them), but has always been proud that she managed to avoid medications (thanks to Dr Charny, supplements, and a very disciplined diet and exercise program), and has been generally healthy in spite of them. My wife still has a good sense of humor - she just laughed at the fact that she went from zero to 7 or 8 medications now, not including the chemo. She does, however, eat only organic, high quality foods (prepared by yours truly), with the exception of 10 peanuts. Meanwhile, I have had to learn not 50 ways to leave your lover, but 50 ways to cook a chicken. Other than eating (and she's eating fairly well), she's watched innumerable series on Netflix, et al. and we have remained hunkered down in our little house, seeing the kids occasionally, but nobody else except doctors and nurses and delivery folks. We are blessed to have this beautiful sanctuary of a home (thank you mom & Bob!) to be sequestered in.
Now that we're moving into the phase of starting to feel better and
better, we know that right around the corner comes round 4 of chemo in 2
weeks. We know it's going to get harder, but our goal is to get through
it as gracefully as we possibly can, and we look forward to getting
through all of this (a total ordeal of 6 months), and out the other side
when she can sit in the sunshine (not allowed now), and there will be
trips with the kinderlach, seeing friends and family and feeling part
again of this precious gift of Life that we have been given and are so
grateful for.
For me, I have managed to work enough to keep mostly up with my
responsibilities, though my stress level is very high. I am incredibly
lucky to work for a humane organization that cares about its people - my
boss told me early on that Melody comes first!
Basically, we're coping better than we could have hoped and we are eternally grateful for this community of friends and family whose love we feel, and which helps us through this really freakin' weird time - as if things weren't weird enough already!
Some beautiful art for you as we part - banners by Anna, Emma, Gavin &
Sierra - heart and mandala by my beautiful sister Sheri, and a wonderful
print by Ted Twine.
Stay well and safe!  
With love,
Glen & Melody
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